Oh my Ew


Why is this girl on the cover of Elle?

What is this crappy cover? That doesn’t even look like her…then again who’d want the real Jessica Simpson? Here’s an idiotic quote:

On her life changing incident:
“I was singing ‘9 to 5’ and I choked and forgot the words in front of the president and in front of Dolly Parton, who’s like the president to me. And the last time I sang in front of the president , I had messed up the lyrics to ‘God Bless America’ so its kind of a thing I have with George W. Anyway, I broke down and said I’m sorry in front of the whole audience. My dad was there. I looked him in the face and said, ‘I will never sing again.”

Dolly Parton? Are you shitting me? She’s probably the only country singer you know Jessica.

On her rocky love life:
“I was going through a lot of pain. I didn’t try anything to change my life other than dating different types of guys and conforming to their worlds. I thought I had to be artsier, more intellectual.”

You thought wrong…wait..you think? Your micro-sized cerebrum actually allows you to think? Jessica Simpson is just a washed up pair of torn jeans in the back of my closet…

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