Hilary Duff’s Dad is Freakin’ Hardcore

And Lindsay Lohan’s dad is not the only one with “daddy issues.” Hilary Duff’s dad has been been ordered by a Texas judge to spend ten days in jail.

Bob Duff was led away in handcuffs Wednesday during a court hearing after Judge Thomas Stansbury in Houston determined he violated an injunction against selling assets without court approval.

The Houston Chronicle reported in its online edition that Bob Duff must pay into a court repository $367,537 he earned from selling stocks last month.

OH GOD. Ten Days. How will this rich prick survive?! His sentence is like the equivalent of being put in the naughty corner for five minutes. Those damn liberal judges. He needs to be taken over the knee and spanked a couple of times, but I bet he gets some of that fun daily.

David Duchovny Likes the Sex

David Duchovny looks like he’s been enjoying the Hollywood life a little too much and has voluntarily admitted himself into rehab for sex addition his lawyer let’s us know.

The actor’s publicist, Flo Grace, confirmed the rehab report, which first appeared on People.com.

Duchovny, 48, plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series “Californication,” which earned Emmy nominations for casting and cinematography.

That’s right. He’s addicted to making the beast with two backs. Now that’s what I call an actor: he’s all about really getting into character.

Katy Perry is Still All About the Ladies

Katy Perry wants to step up her game, and unlike her video where she’s just standing around in a corset, she wants to actually sing her latest music hit “I Kissed a Girl” and actually mean it.

Katy Perry is apparently working on finding a female celeb to kiss during this year’s live telecast of the awards show on Sept. 7.

Who does MTV want to match her up with?

Lindsay Lohan!

Yes. Just what we need: another reason to see Lindsay’s freckled face next to the headlines. Couldn’t MTV be just a little more creative? Something on the lines of a fifteen year old girl Katy pulls on stage would be acceptable too.

Jodie Marsh Sort of Defies Gravity

At the UK premiere of Daylight Robbery, Jodie Marsh’s boobs decided to take Jodie out for a walk in the spotlight. This time around those tight revealing clothing that she usually wears was a little bit too revealing: not hiding the fact that gravity, in relation to her breasts, are ever present. In addition, I would seriously like to know what is that thing under her top that’s holding her outfit together, but my imagination won’t let me to believe its anything but her hard cold nipples.

Ingrid Martz is the hottest Mexican I Know

I think the best feature about Ingrid Martz other than her obvious well shaped figure has to be those freckles on her chest. Finally, something more promising to come out of Mexico other than Tequila (the drink, not the bisexual) and tacos.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is Skinny Again, Hurray!

Jennifer Love Hewitt is no longer camera shy since she’s lost a couple of pounds. After ridicule from…well pretty much everybody…for having the nerve to prance around in a bikini with a gut, Jennifer shaped up, but not before telling every fat person to dress like a skanky whore.

Several Web sites posted shots of Hewitt, with a bit of cellulite, on a Hawaii beach with her then brand-new fiance, Scottish actor Ross McCall, along with some less-than-complimentary comments. TMZ.com, for example, said, “We know what you ate this summer, Love — everything!”

It’s nice to know that even though we can’t achieve world peace, at least we can all come together to make a human garbage disposal self conscious. This is it, America! We are one step closer to achieving a thing I like to call “a sexy utopia.”

Magda Gomez Bares Her Skimpy Soul All in the Name of Television

…And, ladies and gentlemen, if you look to your right you will find Magda Gomez stripping for the television show “Markette.” I’m not entirely sure what is going on with her bra, but that is only a minor setback…like her face. But whatever she’s doing, it sure is working. Kids these days do anything to be on television. Thank God.

Kate Winslet Explores Her Perverted Side

Kate Winslet tells all about her experience filming sex scenes with Leonardo DiCaprio in a new movie entitled “Revolutionary Road.” What’s more, it’s her husband, Sam Mendes, directing it.

“I just kept saying, `This is too … weird,”’ Winslet tells Entertainment Weekly magazine. “And Leo was like, `Oh, get over it.’ And I’m going, `Yeah, a little reminder: You’re my best friend. He’s my husband. This is a bit weird.”’

Don’t worry Kate, you’ll get over it. I have this notion that you’re going to be doing this a lot more often now that your husband is discovering the wonderful perverted powers he has over you. Take my advice however, if he comes into the bedroom one evening with a bucket full of live salmon and tells you to strip down to nothing, do not take the bait. I repeat, DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT.

Sharon Stone Gets a Lawsuit

Sharon Stone is being sued by a construction worker for having a hidden death trap in her home. On August 25, 2006 the worker claims that while he was working, he fell over a bunch of plants that concealed a steep ditch. Since then, he’s been moaning and groaning over the physical and mental strain he’s been through.

While that particular job was memorable for Krause, a rep for the onetime Oscar nominee tells us that “[t]here’s no record of this individual being on the property and likewise there’s no record reporting this individual being injured on the property.

How utterly convenient. Who’s side is telling the truth? If someone as loud and obnoxious as this worker guy got injured, I’m sure someone would have found out about it, but then again? If he fell into a ditch and had to survive on eating bugs and snakes for three days until he was able to construct an escape route, then maybe I wouldn’t have a record on him too.

Brooke Hogan Tries to Sound Edumacated

Brooke Hogan wows the world on her myspace once again while flaunting just how disproportionate her brain mass is to her boobs with her take on why women shouldn’t be in the White House and voting:

“Notice how i said ‘I know IIIIII couldn’t do it cause I’d be pms-ing and freaking out all the time’ …Honestly I’d LOVE to meet a woman with NO emotional problems….but thats not the point…but its true. LOL.”

“I’M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don’t wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that.”

Yes, Brooke. *pat pat* Let’s leave all the complicated stuff to the intellectuals and professionals. Now start jumping up and down for the man behind the camera as we douse you with a fire hose.

Tony Romo is different

Jessica Simpson, in an interview with Elle, said that Tony Romo is “different” than all her other past boyfriends.

Jessica Simpson tells Elle that Romo is different from the rest of the guys she’s been with because he “appreciates my talent” and that they’re “spiritually connected.” She says that most of the guys she’s been with were “captivated by my heart.”

Jessica Simpson is an idiot. It’s as simple as that. All you have to do is tell her she’s talented and your in. I imagine that’s the easiest way to get in her pants. Well, that or waving a balloon in front of her face. She’s a sucker for bright shiny things.

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Lee Ji-ah hospitalised while filming drama

Korean actress Lee Ji-ah was rush to the hospital on Friday (Aug 1) while filming a water scene for “Beethoven Virus” in Gyeonggi-do when she suddenly complained of breathing difficulties. She is now discharged and recuperates at home.

Initial diagnosis showed that she might have developed hypothermia and meningitis, which was probably due to her being submerged in the chilly water for almost 20 hours in the past two days shooting the promotional posters and a underwater scene for the drama.

Ji-ah, have some good rest and get well soon.

Lee Ji-ah in Beethoven Virus

Oh my Ew

Why is this girl on the cover of Elle?

What is this crappy cover? That doesn’t even look like her…then again who’d want the real Jessica Simpson? Here’s an idiotic quote:

On her life changing incident:
“I was singing ‘9 to 5’ and I choked and forgot the words in front of the president and in front of Dolly Parton, who’s like the president to me. And the last time I sang in front of the president , I had messed up the lyrics to ‘God Bless America’ so its kind of a thing I have with George W. Anyway, I broke down and said I’m sorry in front of the whole audience. My dad was there. I looked him in the face and said, ‘I will never sing again.”

Dolly Parton? Are you shitting me? She’s probably the only country singer you know Jessica.

On her rocky love life:
“I was going through a lot of pain. I didn’t try anything to change my life other than dating different types of guys and conforming to their worlds. I thought I had to be artsier, more intellectual.”

You thought wrong…wait..you think? Your micro-sized cerebrum actually allows you to think? Jessica Simpson is just a washed up pair of torn jeans in the back of my closet…